50 Words of Advice for New Moms

I have 5 kids. They are all alive and well, so I must be doing something right. I was a teen Mom, and at the ripe old age of 19 I brought my first baby home from the hospital. I had no clue what I was doing, but I made it, and you will too!

Something really fascinating is happening. I’m 30 years old and my friends are actually starting to have children now. All of a sudden they are interested in my life in a way they never were before. I’ve experienced things that are a mystery to them and they are coming to me for advice. I felt compelled to write this to help them out!

50 Words of Advice for New Moms

1. Labor is not like anything you have ever experienced in your whole life. No amount of research can prepare you for what is coming.
2. This is what having an unmedicated birth looks like….
3. As soon as your baby is born, the pain goes out the window and you’ll start telling people it wasn’t that bad. It was.
4. The first week is hard. Behind every perfect image of a new family are two frazzled and stressed parents who have just been hit with the wrecking ball that is parenthood. Don’t compare yourself to those perfect people because they aren’t actually real.
5. You’ll probably be crying for a week straight about everything and nothing at the same time. Hormones will do that to you. You will look back on this and have a good laugh one day.
6. Ask for more hospital underwear and thank me later.
7. Your body might be a hot mess for a while, and that’s ok. The people bouncing back in a week aren’t actually real either.
8. Getting a hot shower is now a luxury.
9. Breastfeeding is hard and it can be painful. Take a breastfeeding class if you can and ask the veteran mommas for help!
10. Breastfed babies eat all the time! This doesn’t mean you aren’t producing enough milk!
11. Breastmilk is liquid gold, for real.
12. You might start to wonder how any of your friends ever survived with a baby.
13. Coffee is life.
14. All of that baby gear wasn’t really necessary. Get yourself a good bassinet, this bouncer, this swing, and a couple muslin blankets and you are good for a few months.
15. Do everyone a favor and create an Amazon Baby Registry so we can shop and drink wine at the same time.
16. Your child might come out looking exactly like your husband. This will make you love him even more.
17. The first time your baby smiles at you, your heart will melt into a million pieces. 🙂
18. The first time your child tells you no, you will pick those pieces back up and construct a time out chair for them.
19. Puke is now a fact of life. Get rid of that expensive, white bed comforter and exchange it for something that is easy to throw in the washer at 2 a.m.
20. You might end up sleeping in pee one day. You won’t care. 🙂
21. Poop is now a totally acceptable topic of conversation.
22. Rice cereal isn’t necessary. You can totally skip it all together if you want to.
23. The first 6 months feel like 2 days.
24. Everything is easy until your child is on foot. Then the real fun starts.
25. On that note, takeout is a really good option if you have a toddler.
26. Potty training isn’t that hard. Just stay home for a couple of days and take the diaper off.
27. If you have a boy, there will be pee. Everywhere. Everyday. You can try to fix that but it won’t matter. My husband is living proof.
28. Your child might insist on certain things/colors/clothing. One day you will give up and your child will be wearing high watered pants with a non-matching shirt and sandals with socks. You are now THAT person. You will laugh and cry inside at the same time.
29. If you don’t already have a favorite Disney movie, you will now!
30. The music on cartoons is so catchy you might find yourself singing those tunes all by yourself. Alone in your new mini-van. On your way to Target.
31. You need this bumper sticker.
32. Don’t give your kids scissors at a young age unless you want to take them directly to the hair salon afterwards. As a matter of fact, just throw away the scissors, crayons, markers, paint, and every other craft item you can find until they are in middle school.
33. If anyone gives your kid glitter just know they actually hate you.
34. You will feel a sense of accomplishment when your child is in bed each night. Hallelujah!
35. Your child might want to sleep with you. You might give in, that is ok. Don’t be ashamed of bed sharing if that is what works for you.
36. One day you might wakeup with someone’s butt on your head. You’ll just be be happy you got to sleep.
37. The Magic Years (0-5) go by really fast. What all those people told you was true!
38. What your Mom told you was also true. You are now basically your Mom. She was so right about everything she ever said to you.
39. Pre-school is super adorable. Let them get the cheesy light up shoes with Paw Patrol on them. This will never be acceptable again!
40. The crafts your kids make at pre-school were actually 95% constructed by the teachers.
41. All school teachers deserve a special kind of Saint-hood and a glass of wine at the end of each day.
42. T-ball and Soccer Shots are kind of a hot mess so relax and just let your kid run off the field or pee on first base. Its ok, this won’t ruin their chances at a full scholarship to college.
43. One day you will wake up and wonder who you even are anymore. It may be time for a girl’s night.
44. Find a tribe and laugh together.
45. The more kids you have, the more organized and on time you may become.
46. You might cry when your child starts Kindergarten.
47. You might also cry when you are the person responsible for entertaining your child all summer long.
48. It is ok if you don’t sign your child up for every sport, activity, and club. They can survive playing outside with other children in the neighborhood.
49. Make family dinners a priority.
50. Chik-fil-a drive through is life.
51. Show your children what it looks like to be kind to everyone. Give the server a good tip, or buy the drink for the person behind you. Little eyes will always be watching.
52. You will never know the love of having your own child until you do. 🙂